Snappy, attention-grabbing horror story ripped from radio, television or the bowels of the internet.

Details simplified for easy re-telling, with no attempt made to put the story into true context. The more lurid and blood-curdling the better; feel free to embellish details a little if needed.

Mention of a story just like this one from not too long ago, whether it's verifiably connected or not. Terrified suggestion that this tale of terror is being repeated - or is about to be repeated - all over a given geographical area.

Horror story taken to the next level by pointing out connection - real or imagined - to (Fill In the Blank).

(Fill In the Blank) presented as monolithic force trying to destroy the columnist's preferred way of life. (Fill In the Blank) described as evil, based on stories, innuendo and other "information." The "information" need not be totally true, but must at least have appeared on one or more ideologically-skewed information sources - websites, magazines, radio shows, etc. - so as to avoid charges of lying through your teeth. (Note: When in doubt, quote someone who's better known than you are)

Conclusion spelled out: (Fill In the Blank) is bad, mad and dangerous to be around. Chastise those who disagree.

Present audacious and over-the-top solution to the problem that (Fill In the Blank) presents - the more homicidal and repressive the better.

Froth-filled, shield-biting justification for conclusion. Appeals to one or more of the following: country's founders, chief body of laws, columnist's country's preferred way of life, war heroes and/or past political leaders, religious figures and/or documents, homespun advice, natural laws, what grandpa always said.

Smarmy rhetorical question asked of ideological whipping-boy of choice. Sneering, one-sided answer given to detriment of said whipping-boy. Point made that whipping-boy most likely saw this turn of events coming a long time off, and did nothing at all. Blame placed square on whipping-boy's shoulders. (Mental note: remember this next election season)

Conclusion spelled out once more. Appeal to deity of choice - with or without vowels - patriotism, and the like for conclusion to be instated into law. Terrible warning of what will follow if audacious solution is not followed.

One last look at the victims and grieving families. Exhortation to see our own faces there.

Final, podium-pounding call to act!!!

"Somewhat relevant quote goes here." - individual(s) who'd no doubt be shocked to find said quote used in this context